change.

this will be the final post,

i think.

There is no point in anything anymore.

Two weeks gone and I don't feel fulfilled. All that's bothering me is, this term would probably end really quickly.
All I have to do is think of upcoming tests and assignment to hand up every week, and this term would be over.
Yet I don't want that to happen.

I wish i could start afresh. All i want to do is stop grinding my teeth everyday in school, which I do when I'm alone. Smile, laugh.
All I want to do is like school.


There is no use in what I do.
I should just disappear.



I feel like I'm dragging everyone down. I'm a burden that should be destroyed asap.

What is the use, when it all comes down to this?
I should never have asked, you should have never told me.

It's not meant to be, so why are we forcing ourselves on this?

Forever you give me questions I can't answer. You took me by surprise, but you forgotten to give me the whole deal.

I wasn't happy in the first place.


If i could just erase myself.



i wish i was special, you're so fucking special.
but i'm a creep.
...
i don't belong here.

i'm tired.

it's alright.
never mind.

it doesn't matter.

If there were a limit for exhaustion, I'd probably hit the overload meter and faint. Though alas, I can't faint.
My whole body feels heavy, and I'm desperately trying to breathe in so that my heart won't feel so constrained. Otherwise I'd be pushing myself down from my chest and that just makes me feel a whole lot worse.
My back hurts.

I need sleep. Too grouchy in the morning. Too slow, even brushing takes me more than 5 minutes.
I need to relax. Maybe I'd seem pretty relaxed but I'm hitting my head everyday. I believe strongly that what's causing my sudden acne outbreak which has been going on for weeks is my overloading stress.

Lacking in motivation and energy.
I told myself to do work but instead I did the otherwise.

My chest feels constrained. I feel suffocated. I want to puke.
I don't like today at all.

I'm probably still pretty much affected by that squirrel.

I think I wouldn't last through Japanese classes to year 4. I'm really tired. 3 hours 15 minutes is too much, even excluding e-learning outside lesson time. It's as though the longer i stay the more my sanity escapes. That constrained feeling between close tables. That humid weather without any wind leaving us lethargic. The stingy 15 minutes break.

There is no meaning in TGIF.

I want to cry.

I'm hysterical.
I have more feelings than your fingers and your toes together.

before all,
hi grandpa onion who forced me to mention him in every post of mine !


One day left.
Oh, lament and regret. The fast-paced time we can't catch up to, you had to move fast at the wrong moment.

Anyway, there has been a 'war' over at the class blog (i do check out the blog time to time ^^V), which is hilarious but getting kind of... sickening.
It's a 'war' that only degrades us.
Is using analogies of living bodies the only method our shallow minds can think of to insult the other party?
My incapable vocabulary bank makes me ashamed to assume those exchanges as a 'game of insults.'
I hate how others are dragged into your shallow talks lacking much delicate sensible thinking. Do you feel powerful when you drag dogs and cats and parents into your meaningless talk? Even I feel ache in the stands of them.

If you wanna prove yourself to be of higher class, then show it and have some shame. Winning the game of insults doesn't mean you're all that.

Argue that I can't practice what I preach. I wouldn't deny.



Some day I'd like to see some good insult which I can applaud for.

Cruel.

I probably could get an enormous award for "SNAG-giest Person on Earth" if I were a guy, but I can't help but being all upset over it. I'm sorry for being overly-sensitive but you could have spent more time on your choice of words.

You left me wondering if I was worth even 20 minutes of your life. All i wanted to do was have a good chat face-to-face which we've been missing out for so long. If you didn't want to go out with me in the first place you could have just said it. After all I offered to meet up with you after you were done with all your stuff. You didn't have to come up with excuses just to get me off your back, or even give me little hope from the start.

I'm irritating, right?


I hope you're doing fine.

Just know that you're indispensable.

I was reluctant to dedicate this post. Very reluctant.

You have hurt me.


ROROROROROROROROROR


okay here's to the hag who eats ants to sustain his miserable life.


happy enlistment, you nasty anteater hag with clipped-on leg hair!


oh i'll miss you. You are my best friend. I'll send you army ants everyday.

shit i have goosebumps.


ROROOROROROROROROROROROROROR.

I deleted the previous entry I posted this afternoon, but I assume no one noticed. yay.
( go away )

DMC is nc16. Well fuck you. I'm smuggling myself in.

有人说过：如果想念他，就等于以失去了他。

我想念着他，但从没有过他。

美丽蝴蝶，你为何从我眼前飞过？你的轻碰，把我整个人给垮了。你把我从暗里拉出来，却又从我的手里飞走。
你围绕着我飞舞，却又要我追着你跑。你的无情温柔是我的致命伤。

Exhausted and tired. Even so, the week ended quickly. Friday night already.

I'm getting pretty emotional unsettling too. I should just quickly get used to failing subjects.

Too much homework this day, I'll probably be staying up late tonight even though I really really wanna sleep. But it's no use, I'm only comforting myself. I can't concentrate after all.

Ah, rehearsal and sound check and VCH in around 11 days from now. It's so fast. The date of the actual SYF competition is arriving pretty soon too, around 5 weeks or so.

Things go too fast already.
(and i'm aging too fast.)

Nothing achieved makes me a rather empty person.


i'm kind of afraid of the future. It feels weird to grow up so fast. I still remember days which were slow.

<3 mmhmm~

谢谢 =°3°=

happy birthday doro and grace~ :D

yay all the lovely people.
--

Friday was fine, probably the best day of the week.

I took out my braces yesterday. Getting retainers this saturday. Ah, now I'm trying to avoid mirrors. I'm still shocked whenever I see my teeth. Had they been so humongous all these while? :/

ahhhhh. I have two weeks for my ugly imperfections to heal. THANK GOD they're only on my forehead. Mum says it's puberty T-T

--
Yesterday while my whole family wasn't around I took the opportunity to sing. My ego hinders me from singing in front of them; pretty weird for a person who sings everyday in front of (selective) friends.
Anyway I kept my promise to grandpa onion :D
I'm happy I sang >w<


--
I've been thinking of migration a lot recently. I wonder what it's like there.
Maybe I'd live in the country, catch the sight of rainbows once in a while, gaze at the moon and the stars with the black curtains drawn, without other lights to disrupt. Then maybe few times a year I'd take the fast train over to the city and enjoy some hustle and bustle instead. Get my hair dyed again and have even more piercings on my face. Attend concerts and scream at sexy rock stars.

If that would happen, I probably live without regrets.

ah ah.

Have you ever realized?
You probably wouldn't.
I was never in your eyes.
There was never me.
I tried to shrug it away
but it bit me back up my ass.

I'm not supposed to be here,
good things come in pairs.
But i was hanging on
to the fine thread you dropped me.

Now i broke it myself.
I destroyed the very last ounce of sanity I had.
Upon my realization I broke my thread from you.
I was falling at the speed of light.

I tried to scream but nothing came out.
I tried to cry but the tears wouldn't flow out.
I was choked,
There was a stone in my throat.
You never looked to find me.

You never looked back.

Well when you've found me, take all that I have. My feelings left together with the wind, my heart I stabbed them with the stone.
Take all that I'm left with. Take my skin for your coat. Leave nothing of me on this world. Let me be forgotten like I've always had.

I was a life of waste, in delusion and self-pity.
Now you've made me into an empty shell, I am nothing.
My presence had never been a difference in your life.
I was never in your eyes.
There was nothing for me to do.
I can't call out for you.
My voice had long been taken away with the rain.
The light around you,
I can't even be a shadow.
My touch was nothing,
The empty shell doesn't have a body.

You never looked back.

Today had been a drag. I haven't slept much, yet my head is hurting again. Maybe I'll call it a sunday-sickness.
If tomorrow had been another day of rest I wouldn't sleep tonight.

The past week I had barely survived.

I should do something about my current status. If I continued where I'm not at, I'd only be eating off every part of my sanity.

I really hate it when people start studying and I've yet to even bother touching the pen.

Probably all I can ever think about now is singing. Singing the songs I love, thinking about every feeling he/she released to the microphone.
My phlegm has turned a shade of yellow.

And somehow in this long moment of delusion, I decided silently that maybe, just maybe, it's alright if I was given up on. I also thought in that moment, even if that bomb hoax was actually real, and I happened to be in Bugis, I wouldn't mind. But it isn't, and I told myself to count me lucky.

I'm possibly down with the flu.


Tonight I'll pray for me to survive through this week with ease.


come save me bastard.

Worse than peaceful. I'm not calm.

But I'm trying to. Recognize my effort.

I actually feel afraid. For once I really sincerely hope that there would be one Friday which would actually be good.
It's probably up to me to decide on whether to feel good or not, I guess..

But, there's running tomorrow. Being heavy doesn't help my state.
;
But there's science practical test tomorrow. Science practical test should be easy, shouldn't it? Yet seems like it's making many shit bricks. Hell. And to add to that, I'm not effing motivated. I feel scared but it doesn't make me want to study. Hohohohahahahehehehuhuhu.
;
But there's choir tomorrow. Auditions, oh my. I've been telling myself the faster I get over with it the better. Still, I'd dread it. Giving myself unnecessary pressure.
;
I want to be motivated. Start reviewing on my maths because it's making my heart stop whenever I think about failing it.


Shit, just let me get done and over with the next two weeks already.

LOL. (shush! xD)

The past 3 days had been tiring, I can't wait for the weekends. Though..there isn't much to look forward to is there!
I'm starting to wear a watch, but I don't think it'd last. The watch is great, but I just can't get used to it. Somehow my arm feels shorter with it on. And it feels terribly clingy after a while. And it makes me worry about the time too.

The past 3 days, I had an urge to be a vegetarian. Well it wasn't successful, duh :/

Choir on tuesday was fine. No auditions, and I was pretty relaxed. It's great to sing. Unfortunately I'd never display that standard anywhere else at any other time. My conductor probably had magic, or I'm just not darn great to sing without 'accompaniment' =_=

Today was the trip to Yakult Factory. I had been there for a gazillion times, not much surprise there for me. The place still stinks. I guess what made the trip better was the bus ride to and fro the factory >) Singing & camwhoring! I realize I have a prettyyyyyyyy big head. =|

Ah, can't wait to get my braces off, though it has been rescheduled to next week, i think? :/

AND AND AND MAG & DORO, YOU GUYS ARE REAL GOOD AT LINKING.  ORZ -_-

Today marks the 13th year and 364th day of my existence.
It's fast.

( thinking )
I'm 14 now. 12.06 AM. 14th February 2009.

I'm growing as time pass. I'd live my life as far as possible. My pursuit of happiness.

100 truths. Copied from YY's facebook.

( it would still end at some point. )